Forgive and Forget

“What the heck was that? Don’t you people ever sleep? Give it a rest, will you?” Abigail grumbles as she walks out of the tent.

Her walking bare feet on desert sand with slightly see-through spaghetti covering her upper body clarifies the interruption of her sleep by the ear-splitting sound of the entertainers.

 “Welcome to India. How did you manage to scurry off from this madness? Here, have a drink” Victor raises up his hand for a hand shake.

After seeing Abigail's relenting swing, Victor continues “Yeah, I know. Sometimes we feel like we end up among dolt-Indians. But trust me; these people are the best to fill up empty minds”.

 Abigail now feels a bit comfortable. She sits down beside Victor and picks up a glass of vodka. “Filling up empty mind you say? I rather came here to empty my mind. I've been travelling for months in search of that stupid herb.”

 She empties the glass and signals Victor that she’s ready for another round.

“What herb are you talking about? Why do you travel solo? Aren’t you afraid of getting raped?”

  “What!” Abigail is furious yet curbs down her anger “That was uncalled for”.

 Victor is not sure whether the alcohol is talking or he is inebriated by the glint of Abigail’s eyes which combines perfectly with her stewed-cherry skirt. 

“I’m sorry” he falters, “I don’t intend to pry. I’m just curious to know why a beautiful lady like you would come here in Jaisalmer, alone” Abigail ignores the ogling at of her by Victor…well, by all men sitting close-by.

She feels like she has fallen into a gutter. But her sole motive is to get that herb, consume it and forget all the mistakes she has made in her life.

3 days later

“What the heck was that? Don’t you people ever sleep? Give it a rest, will you?” Victor yells. It’s 2 in the morning. Victor has asked Abigail to just give up on the idea of finding the herb and rather go to therapy or anything that is more practical. 

He stretches his neck down to the lower berth of the compartment “Abi, let’s just go home. I’ve had enough of this”.

 “Did I ever ask you for your care, your protection? Did you see me as a damsel in distress? I’m fine on my own. Did I ask you to be a part of the inferno I’ve created…” 

Abigail can’t contain any longer. She has too much inside of her. She knows that her heart is too little too heavy to carry any further.

Victor lets out a huge sigh, rolls his eyes. “Girls...” He covers himself with a quilt and tries to sleep yet again.

After half an hour or so, Abigail gets up slowly, stands close to Victor who is apparently sleeping in the uppermost berth…“I know you can’t hear me. I’m grateful to you for accompanying me and for trying to help me find the herb. I’ve realised that this madness has to stop and it is not the herb that I need…” she takes a brief pause.

Victor smiles thinking Abigail has finally come to her senses.

Abigail continues “...it is this life that must be ended...” Her scrambling through the crowded aisle follows.

Victor in a flash jumps off the berth. 

“Abigail, stop. Are you insane? Just stop and listen to me”.

The train is humming right above Brahmaputra Bridge. Abigail plans to jump off the train, into the river and end everything.

Victor runs with full speed, but too many people and tonnes of luggage stop him from reaching Abigail in time.

Abigail turns back. Her eyes well up with tears. She gives Victor a nod and jumps down into the ghost-silent water.

Victor screams “Mom…Mom...”. He feels as though a big lump swells up inside his throat.
 He shouts once more “Mom…”

…………….............................

“Oh darling, wake up. The same nightmare?”

 It was my mother. She was wiping away my tears tenderly.

“Mom, how do I forget? It’s been haunting me for days. I’m tired of living in this abyss.”

I didn’t want to man up anymore. I just wanted to hold her and cry my heart out. It felt like my heart had been pierced with a needle or something sharp.

How I wished grandpa could come down from heaven and tell me that everything would be just fine.

Mom patted me on my back “Sweetheart, why did she leave you? Did you do something wrong?”

“No!” I erupted. “She was a whore. They saw her with another man just after a month I came back here.”

She picked up my pillow from the ground “Tell me, darling...was it your fault that she left you in the first place?”

I gave her a stiff ‘No’.

“Then why are you still angry with her?”

“I’m… I’m angry at the fact that she gave me hundreds of promises, behaved like she couldn’t live without me. Yet it was too easy for her to shun me out and became another man’s.”

“Do you want to know how I still live a happy life after your dad married off another woman?” She continued before I replied “The first thing I think about every morning is his smile.”

She tried to hide it but I saw her wiping her tears. But I didn’t say anything. She turned to me and said, “I forgive and forget”.

I stood up and replied angrily “I will never forgive her. She doesn't deserve it.” 
I frowned “I could never forget her.”

She grasped my hand and said, “Do you want to be happy?”

“Yes, mom”.

“Then you should forgive her not because she deserves it, but because you deserve to be happy”.

“I’ll try”

She walked out the door mumbling… much to herself “You need not forget her. Embrace the thorns of life. There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”